By the light of her learned self

Chris had not rung for a month – since we spoke of child support.   He had not visited either.  It was just silence, a not knowing.   Would he truly never see Daniel again, or was he trying to break me, by me alone having Daniel dawn to dusk and the whole night through; 24/7.  Was my sleep deprivation, wearing my body down with cleaning and chores, my lone attendance of duty, Chris’ punishment?

Thankfully no Court papers arrived requiring that I prove my worthiness to continue mothering Daniel.  Still, my nerves were frayed from the long, long hours of constant serving of Daniel.  I had placed him with the babysitter Tom recommended a few times, to do yoga, but there was never time after yoga or before yoga to just be me.  Daniel was latched onto me like an extra weight.  He was heavy, and other days, heavier.

It was 11 September, the day I had an appointment with Mary Soper of Legal Aid.  I bathed Daniel and dressed him in my favourite outfit of his.  I’d already given to charity so many of Daniel’s outfits, and had to use my yoga cash to buy more.  This really was going to be one helluva gig to keep up with.

I felt nervous, like you would if you were meeting the Queen.  I felt inferior, like a mere plebian.  Did Daniel and me really matter at all?  Could we persuade the Queen to have consideration for our lives and lead us up the path to Daniel’s rights, by the light of her learned self?

Walking through the city with my baby, I felt like I was going the wrong way.  The people, in business suits and fine outfits, the women clip-clopping confidently in their heels, all passed me.  I felt everyone was going forward with their lives, and I was dumbly falling backward. 

I arrived at Legal Aid, a tall building, and caught the lift to the fourth floor. The receptionist said to take a seat and so there we sat with the mob; the mob of minimal income, seeking professional help.  All of their stories, I was sure, would be steeped in emotion like ours, and some injustices too.

Fortunately Mary kept a neat schedule and she saw us within 5 minutes.  She asked did I want someone to take care of Daniel or would he be okay?  I said I would hold him until he got upset – then we may need help.

“So tell me your story” Mary said.  My gosh, where could I start.  A gush of emotion broke from my heart and flooded my throat.  I swallowed, trying to still the flow, but it gathered in my throat, swirled, would not recede.

Through gulps, trying to not cry (now letting it out) I told Mary all, from since I had discovered pregnancy.  I told her how I wasn’t certain who the father was at first, how it was positively Chris I now realized, how I didn’t put his name on the birth certificate because he didn’t deserve such an honour.

“You didn’t name him on the birth certificate?”, she interrupted me.

“No.  I realize now that was unwise, but at the time he gave me every reason to think he would not have any interest in his son.  So he was not worthy of being named.”

Mary looked at me, then bent her head to write some notes.

“And you say he’s had access?”

“Oh yes, definitely.  I’ve left Daniel with Chris to go swimming, and he’s taken Daniel out with his girlfriend Tracey for a few hours.  And he took me to meet his family.”

“How did he introduce Daniel to his family?”

“He spoke in Chinese.”

“Did they think Daniel was Chris’ son?”

“Oh yes, definitely.  There was no doubt about that.  He held Daniel like he was his son and showed him around like he was his son.  In fact, Daniel was hardly in my hands all afternoon.”

Mary bent her head again, took more notes.

“Did he give you any baby items during the pregnancy, anything in preparation for his child to be born?”

I told Mary he hadn’t given anything, and did not ring, and I repeated how he fobbed me off when I rang him the night I gave birth.

“Well, you can claim support for the nine months of pregnancy”, Mary said.

“Oh no, I couldn’t do that.  It wouldn’t be right.  I actually got gifts from work.  The pregnancy was catered for.”

“Yes, but he should have given to you.  You can claim for that.”

But I was unable to accept it.  I told Mary I didn’t want to.  It just didn’t feel right.

My appointment lasted about an hour.  Daniel was content to listen to our voices, to hold a pencil, lie on the floor and turn from his front to his back.  He was wonderful. 

At the end of the appointment, Mary said we needed to act immediately.  She said she would first draft a letter to the Registry at Births, Deaths & Marriages, to request the father’s name be placed on the birth certificate.  “The letter will sign off in your name, though, so it’s as if you’ve written it.  Then”, she said, “We’ll make an application for a Declaration pursuant to Section 106 of the Child Support (Assessment) Act, that you’re entitled to an assessment and child support payable by Chris.  You’re out of time though – so we’ll apply that pursuant to Order 31B Rule 10(1)(b) of the Family Law Rules, leave be granted to file the application outside the time limit prescribed by Order 31B Rule 10(1)(a).”

“O-kay”, I said.

“We’ll have a back-up plan, that if the Declaration is not made, parenting testing be undertaken.  We will also draw up a Subpoena to have Chris summonsed to court.”

“Subpoena him to court?!”  I really didn’t want that much drama.

“Well, do you think he’ll turn up to court voluntarily?”

“No”, I said.

Mary told me that given the urgency, that we were out of time to apply, Daniel and me should occupy ourselves for a couple of hours while she drew up the papers, I should then come back and sign them, and she would have them filed at the Family Court that afternoon. 

When we left the offices of Legal Aid and hit the city streets again, I felt I had more direction.  I felt taller:  I had done something about Daniel’s rights.  I felt empowered for no longer allowing it to happen to us, the wrong. 

Mary was wonderful, and seemed genuinely motivated to put Daniel and my ship in life back on course.  I   was grateful to her, her profession, and wished I could be a lawyer and help people too. Yet I didn’t think I had the brains.  I hadn’t even finished high school.  I ran from dad’s place at 17, wishing to never look back, but finding I looked back so often, I was running in circles.

I took Daniel to the food court and enjoyed sitting him on my lap and having him attempt feeding himself, mushing things, looking around.  It was very lively in the centre of town.  

I then took him to the mall and the city square where buskers performed and Daniel, sitting up in the pusher, watched the fire eater in absolute awe.  You wonder what goes through a child’s mind when their eyes are wide and they are staring, mouth fallen open. 

When time gave way to 2 p.m., we again were waiting in the front office of Legal Aid.  Mary came out, welcomed us in. 

“I want you to read everything carefully”, she said to me, “and correct me on any detail, anything I haven’t put accurately.”

I read the letter to Births, Deaths & Marriages, the application, the frightful Subpoena to Give Evidence, and the affidavit.  I was amazed how Mary had captured the facts devoid of emotion:

“The respondent and I had sexual relations on or about…. fall within the period of opportunity for the conception of the Child.

The Child was acknowledged by the respondent as his child by the respondent having regular contact visits with the Child…

…said that he would not sign anything…

The respondent took the Child and me to meet his family…introduced the Child as his son to his family and friends…

Prior to attending the Child Support Unit of Legal Aid I was not aware that a 1 month time limit applied to my application…

 

Sworn by the Deponent at Perth this 11th day of September…”

 

With papers signed, the course for justice set, we now only needed to wait for 28 November, the day of the hearing.

It is tiresome, having to fight in life for something that should ‘just be’ – that is, if balance and justice prevailed.  Yet, if you do not fight, the wrong done to you festers.  Wrong upon wrong upon wrong, I believe can weaken your constitution.  I had trusted and understood Chris, then waited, then I endured, and then I acted.  It is only now, by act, that I have been able to step out of my old (somewhat victim) self, shed a skin.  I feel lighter, better – sort of like when you see a picture hanging crooked and you reach up to give it a little tweak:  ah, that’s better; it’s right now.

Copyright, Noeleen